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Blogging. Can anyone tell me how you’re supposed to start one of these things? Over the years I’ve talked myself out of doing this very thing countless times. I’ve given myself a million different reasons not to do this and most of them are pretty convincing!

Here’s what changed: my dad died.

It changed everything.

The entire world looks different to me now. My life looks entirely different to me now. It was like finally being able to grasp the full breadth of what it means when people say ‘life is short’. I felt like I opened my eyes and all I could see were all of the things that I had always said I was going to do ‘someday’ or ‘when the time is right’, and what that actually meant to me most of the time was ‘when I find the courage to’.

By nature I am shy, introverted and generally scared of new things i.e. people, places, food etc. Now, I didn’t all of the sudden find some bottomless well of courage to tap into (does that exist though? I’d love to know), but when I take an honest look back at my life I can see that all of the best things, the moments that stand out, the turning points that have defined me, came from moments where I took the big risks. For example: leaving college to pro-rodeo on my own at 19, or say, I don’t know - my husband, my children, my business.

Basically, my play-it-safe attitude, all of my typical overthinking, over-analyzing, risk-assessing has gotten me… nowhere. Shocking, right? I have no idea if this will be one of those things or not. I do know that since June 9th, when I lost my dad, I haven’t cared quite as much about failing. I started caring more that I didn’t leave things I wanted to do undone. For the first time in my life I will agree with the mantra, ‘at least you tried’.

I’ve also found that since then, in the moments that I have opened up more, it’s been given back in spades. People I’ve never met have shown me incredible kindness and encouragement. People I’ve known for many years have surprised me by sharing things with me that I had never known. And above all else it’s made me realize how often the things that we think we are alone in feeling or experiencing, are actually the things where we can find the strongest connections with one another.

I’m not here with the intention of becoming some sort of influencer. Heaven help us if I was. We’d all be sitting inside quietly reading to ourselves on Saturday nights. The only thing that I want to influence at all is how we connect with each other - to try to share an honest look at my life. As a wife to a rodeo cowboy that’s gone more than he’s home. A mother trying to keep up with three boys and hoping I don’t mess it up. A small business owner trying to navigate in a world I often feel unequipped for. A daughter mourning the loss of the person that I was closer to than anyone else in the world. All of these things; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Hopefully some of the funny, and the pretty, and the exciting along the way too.